Desperate to control and understand Naomi's situation, I explored spiritual healing therapies I would have normally stayed away from.
I guess the good thing about Naomi's neurologist telling us not to get our hopes up, was that it only increased our motivation to help Naomi recover. We did everything we could to achieve that goal. Initially, we focused primarily on physical, occupational and speech therapy and Naomi's ability to swallow small amounts of food and water. Paulina essentially turned into a dietician, painstakingly figuring out how to keep Naomi well nurtured whilst I arranged other ways to complement our efforts.
On recommendation of Jiska, we arranged hyperbaric oxygen therapy for Naomi and got in touch with various organisations specialised in helping children recover from brain injuries. Both Paulina and I attended seminars to learn techniques and exercises taught by these organisations. We did a lot of exercises at home and we also took Naomi from hospital to hospital for various treatments and from one clinic to another for a range of therapies all across Singapore.
Our efforts appeared to pay off. Naomi became less stiff and more flexible. From the neck down, though, she still had no control over her body. She would move her arms and legs in response to stimuli but could not control them purposely to perform certain exercises. Naomi was weak and needed strengthening. She did not talk and she had great difficulty eating and drinking. She made huge progress, however, with regard to medication. We successfully weaned her off all medication except for one: she needed to continue taking her heart medication. But the seizure medication and muscle relaxants that put her in constant “snooze mode” were gone! That really brightened up Naomi's eyes, made her much more alert and significantly improved interaction with her as well. We were enormously glad that she suffered no seizures even though she struggled with severe brain damage. Also, during regular cardio checkups, the data gathered by her ICD each time showed that her heart was stable and that the device had not delivered any shocks. The next achievement was that Naomi no longer needed the nasogastric tube for feeding but could take her food and liquids orally. It felt great to make such progress.
After a while, though, Naomi appeared to have reached a plateau as we saw no more improvement. We even made a retrograde step when we had to go back to using the nasogastric tube. Naomi's ability to drink water had deteriorated to a point where we could no longer guarantee sufficient hydration, so we needed that tube to give her water. Because of the discomfort of having the tube back through her nose and throat, her eating and sleeping worsened too. It was a very difficult and frustrating time. Unfortunately, more of those times were still to come. It was going to be a journey full of ups and downs. Certain months, everything appeared to move in the right direction and we felt good about the progress we were making, yet other months we moved in the opposite direction, which left us feeling downbeat and powerless. Although Naomi had clearly made progress, that progress had come at a pace much slower than we as desperate parents yearned for. We were getting impatient.
Every time when family or friends asked us how Naomi was doing, if we saw any improvement or if she had made any significant progress, I replied by saying: “Yes, bit by bit, still improving.” I kept my head up, especially when asked in the presence of Naomi, but at the same time I felt sad. Very sad.
These questions, however well intended, constantly pointed out how painfully slow Naomi's recovery was. Most of the time we could not see any progress at all. I would have loved to tell people that she was able to talk again, or that she could sit on her own, or that we experienced some other major breakthrough, but none of that actually happened. I would have been overjoyed, for instance, if Naomi would have been able to sleep through the night without waking up, without grinding her teeth and without biting her bottom lip until her mouth filled with blood.
Longing to see Naomi regain the most basic abilities, I realised how much I had always taken everything for granted and how embarrassingly little I had appreciated my family’s good health. Had I, for example, ever seriously considered how marvellous it is to be able to speak? Never. I took it for granted. Had I ever thought about how great it is to be able to simply roll from side to side when lying in bed? Not for a moment. Disturbingly, it was only when Naomi could no longer do any of these things, that I realised this. The fact that we breath without even thinking about it is a wonder in itself. I only fully appreciated that after seeing Naomi gasping for air in the ICU. Seeing her struggle to breath was so scary. Life in general is wondrous and precious. Unfortunately, even after witnessing the birth of our two daughters and holding their beautiful tiny bodies in my arms, it was only after I held Naomi's lifeless body in my then trembling arms that it dawned on me how fragile life is and how much I should have treasured it. Apparently, I had to learn the hard way. It changed the way I looked at life. Whenever I saw a baby sitting in a stroller, drinking from a bottle or simply playing with some toys, I would marvel at the miracle of the human body, how it develops and what it is capable of doing. At the same time my heart would sink, knowing that any normal six month old baby had far greater ability than our six year old Naomi.
Especially during those times when I was alone with Naomi, the hard reality of her condition would hit me and a feeling of intense sadness consumed me. On the outside I maintained composure but on the inside I crumbled. On the inside I was full with tears. Despite my efforts to mask my sorrow, Naomi sometimes noticed. I remember the first time she must have realised I struggled to hide my sadness, she looked me in the eyes and gave me a serene smile. It was my role to comfort her, my role to support and encourage her but it was Naomi who took it upon herself to comfort me instead.
Seeing that smile lifted my heart but sunk it directly afterwards as I wondered why a sweet girl like Naomi had to suffer such a devastating cardiac arrest, leaving her in such severely debilitated state. Naomi always displayed so much energy and joy. She skipped rather than walked. Kids loved playing with her and often excitedly participated in whatever she was doing, copying what she did without Naomi realising it. If she had some candies or stickers, she would give them away. I remembered the time when I heard Paulina asking: “Naomi, where are all the stickers I gave you?” Naomi replied that she had given them to her friends. “All of them? Why?” Paulina wondered out loud. “They asked me”, Naomi said. She would end up with nothing herself and was just as happy. I also remembered the school sports day where Naomi had to run a relay race. Some kids were really nervous, others very competitive and some were cheating to win. As for Naomi, I am pretty sure she did not even realise she was in a race. After she had run she came back and cheered for the kids in the competing team. Typical.
I yearned for her to speak with us. I wanted to know what she felt, what she was thinking, what she wanted to tell or ask us. She always had so much to talk about, so many questions to ask. I missed her infectious enthusiasm and laughter. I desperately wanted things to go back to the way they used to be. This angst lead me to grab hold of basically any therapy I believed could help Naomi recover. I focused on proven, scientific therapies but at some point during my quest for "the most effective therapy", I bumped into various forms of spiritual healing. Although these were healing practices I would normally shy away from, after experiencing those "coincidences", I had become more open to the existence of divine providence and more willing to give these alternative therapies at least the benefit of the doubt. Also, I was intrigued by the idea of being able to explain or at least obtain an understanding of what was happening with Naomi. That, and the fact I was running out of mainstream therapies to facilitate Naomi's recovery, lead me to explore these newfound avenues of healing. It was the first time I purposely did so but before I reached that point, I actually already had been introduced to and participated in various forms of spiritual healing. My mother had introduced me to a clairvoyant lady and a reiki master, our company’s HR director had introduced us to feng shui and Paulina's friends had asked a priest to pray over Naomi.
My mother
My main exposure to anything spiritual was through my mother, who for many years now, is greatly interested in New Age spirituality. Over the last few years she has been helping people who suffer from certain physical or psychological problems. It is difficult for me to explain how exactly my mother does what she does because she herself cannot even clearly explain it. She will sit with someone and essentially act as a "medium" for healing. She closes her eyes and then visions may appear that provide her certain knowledge enabling her to understand what to do to help that person. She might be prompted to lay her hand on the person, and when she does, she will feel in her own body what is wrong in that person's body so she can treat that particular area. In other cases, touch is not necessary and she will somehow get to know what to tell a person, which will then lead that person to, for example, find closure with a family member who passed away many years ago. Again, I do not understand how it works but people appear to benefit from my mother's treatments.
To be honest, I never had much interest in my mother's spiritual endeavours. It did not attract me, it made me uneasy and I rather preferred to stay away from it. What happened to Naomi that dreaded evening in 2010, gradually lead me to be more interested in my mother's spiritual beliefs and experiences. That night when I phoned my mother and told her Naomi had suffered a cardiac arrest, she had a vision of Naomi playing with other children and told me she understood that Naomi would later be an example to them. She could not tell me what sort of example but according to my mother it pointed to a future where Naomi would be in a position to help children, a future in which Naomi would resume her normal life. This was nice to hear but in the midst of everything that was happening, I forgot all about it.
Fengshui
When Naomi was released from the ICU and transferred to that little room on the regular ward, we were visited by Jane, our company's HR director. She was concerned about Naomi and wanted to help. As an ardent feng shui practitioner, she had discussed Naomi's condition with her teacher (a feng shui master) who had made a banner as well as two what looked like small handkerchiefs on which a variety of symbols were printed. She advised us to hang the banner close to Naomi's bed and to place the two pieces of cloth underneath her pillow. This would manipulate the flow of energy in the room in a way that would promote Naomi's healing. Even though I did not see how the placement of these items could possibly have a positive effect on Naomi, I did of course appreciate the thought and gesture, and given that Jane was fully convinced it would work, we followed her suggestion.
Priest
We were also visited by Fr. Lu, the priest from the church where Paulina occasionally attended mass. Actually, I missed out on his visit because I was not in the room at that time. Fr. Lu came to see Naomi together with a few of Paulina's friends. All were from the same church. Lead by the priest, they prayed for Naomi at her bedside. I only remember bumping into Fr. Lu when I walked out of the elevator he was about to enter on his way back to church. We shook hands and he quickly told me he would continue to pray for Naomi.
Clairvoyant
After we had moved into our new home in Singapore and were really struggling to understand what was going on with Naomi and how we could help her recover, my mother suggested to consult Mel, a Dutch lady who had the supernatural ability to know things about people or somehow perceive things that were going to happen in the future. I never liked it when my mother asked clairvoyant people about my future, so at first I was rather apprehensive about asking this lady any questions about Naomi. However, I was so desperate to find out how to help Naomi (who was unable to speak with us or otherwise let us know how she felt or what she needed) that I decided to put my reservations aside. I sent my questions to my mother who in turn forwarded them to Mel. My mother would then forward Mel's answers to me. That's how we communicated.
In my first mail I asked many questions about Naomi. Mel did not answer question by question but answered in a more general way. She said, amongst other things, that Naomi would slowly recover, that she was scared to eat and that she could very well talk but that she did not realise that yet. Keen to understand where Mel got her insight from, I asked if she could describe what she did in order to answer my questions. She mailed back saying it was hard for her to explain how she worked as a medium, so the way in which she obtained the knowledge about Naomi unfortunately remained a mystery. Over the next few months I sent another few emails. Mel commented on what type of treatments were good for Naomi, what worked and what not. Most comments pretty much aligned with what we ourselves already thought to be the case. She also made a number of predictions as to when Naomi would improve in certain areas or regain a particular ability, such as when she would become less stiff, when her swallowing would improve or when Naomi would start to talk. These predictions generally did not materialise. When I asked Mel about this, she mentioned it was always very difficult for her to say when something would happen because the knowledge she received came from a place where time is a very different concept than it is here for us. That could very well be the case, I reckoned, but if she knew that, I thought it was a bit disappointing that she still shared such predictions with us. In her last message she refrained from specifying any time periods but did reiterate that in the end, after a long time, all would be well again with Naomi.
Although Mel had brought us positive news and had given us some understanding of what was going on with Naomi, many doubts still remained. We sent her another email but she did not reply. My mother was not able to get in touch with her and she did not hear from Mel anymore.
Reiki
My mother, much shaken by what had happened with Naomi, was keen to aid her recovery even though she was in Holland. Every two weeks, she met up with her friend Niels, who is a Reiki master, to send us energy to reduce stress and promote relaxation and healing. I did not understand what exactly they were doing but I did appreciate the effort. My mother explained that Niels could feel what we felt and that he would then massage my mother in those areas where blockages existed in our bodies. These blockages restricted the proper flow of energy throughout the body and so caused stress, pain or illness. I was told that Reiki could take those blockages away. My mother clarified that it worked like acupuncture but then instead of stimulating acupuncture points with needles, Niels did this by massaging those points. In that way my mother acted as a proxy for the four of us in Singapore.
My mother told me that Niels could also see us during these Reiki sessions. Not only that, we allegedly also talked with him. I thought that was really weird and wondered how it was possible that I, or the "spirit me", could talk with people without me even knowing about it. I felt I was being excluded even though I was supposedly involved. It was good that my mother was involved as well, otherwise I would have felt seriously uncomfortable with this.
Some time later, my mother told me that Naomi had come to see Niels during a session. It was the first time she had approached him. Niels said Naomi had told him that she thought it was wonderful to receive so much love from someone she did not know. During another session, my mother and Niels had given Naomi and Sienna a hug. These instances made the whole idea less uncomfortable but it still felt awkward to me. My mother mentioned that Niels also saw colours surrounding us. For example, one time when he was treating me, Paulina came to have a look and she was surrounded by beautiful colours. Niels said it was a delightful sight. Around Naomi he saw a reddish orange colour which, he explained, meant she was protected. He did not say how she was protected or who protected her but my mother felt certain it was Sathya Sai Baba because the colour orange was reminiscent of the orange clothing he always used to wear. My mother told me she had been following the spiritual teachings of Sai Baba and told me he was an avatar: the incarnation of God. He lived in India and had past away earlier that year. I did not know anything about him and therefore was not sure what to think of my mother's interpretation but I thought the idea of Naomi being somehow protected sounded like a good thing.
Although I never actually felt the effects of Reiki, or simply was not able to discern them, it may have helped us cope with all the stress and anxiety at the time. I did not understand how Reiki actually worked but I did understand it took a lot of energy out of Niels because my mother told me she often had to support him during the sessions to prevent him from losing balance and falling over. Evidently, they were making a sincere effort and that was what I appreciated most.
Deep Breathing Meditation
When I was told about a lady, Hannah, who had healed herself of a heart condition through a technique called deep breathing meditation, I decided to get in touch with her. It sounded a lot more straightforward than Reiki and I could understood the benefit of deep breathing. This turned out to be the first form of spiritual healing I engaged in on my own initiative. Obviously, Naomi would not be able to perform any specific breathing exercises so when I called Hannah, I pointed this out to her. To my surprise, she assured me that even though Naomi was not able to do it herself, I could do the breathing for her and she would still benefit.
Hannah offered to come to our home to meet us. When she arrived and met Naomi, she told us she already knew how Naomi looked like because she had seen her the night before in a dream. I was not sure what to think about this but as Niels could also see us, I accepted it as a possibility. She introduced herself and shared that she too, like Naomi, had a pacemaker but that it had not been activated since she started the deep breathing meditation. We talked with her about what had happened with Naomi and afterwards she said she needed to speak with Naomi separately, without us being there. She did not tell us why but only said she always did so when working with children. This made us feel uneasy so we stayed with Naomi. Hannah then whispered something in Naomi's ear and after that moved close to her face to let Naomi take a good long look at her left eye, which also made me feel uncomfortable. She did not explain the purpose of this but went on to say that Naomi was very much aware of what was going on around her. According to Hannah, Naomi could even sense what happened several houses down the street. Another unusual statement but one that reminded me of what had happened several weeks earlier. At the time, Naomi was with me in the living room and Paulina was with Sienna in the bedroom. Suddenly, out of the blue, Naomi started to cry and I wondered why. It turned out that Sienna, at that same moment, was sad about something and had started crying. Then when Sienna stopped crying, Naomi stopped as well. Given that they were in different rooms, Naomi could not have seen or heard Sienna. Paulina and I were surprised and concluded that Naomi must have somehow felt Sienna's sadness. Subsequently, we observed a number of other instances where Naomi had shown great sensitivity to other people's emotions. So when Hannah suggested that Naomi could sense what was going on multiple houses further down the road, I was not exactly convinced but at the same time I did believe Naomi had a good and indeed perhaps heightened sense of the feelings of people around her.
What I was mostly interested in, though, was how Hannah had managed to reduce and subsequently heal her heart problem. She said it was best to experience what deep breathing meditation could do for you rather than to talk about it. She told us she organised courses to teach people how to master the technique and invited us to her home for a first session. Although she had made us feel somewhat uneasy and had made some rather peculiar statements, as Hannah was very kind and evidently keen to help Naomi, we decided to give it a try.
When Naomi, Paulina and I arrived at her home, an old colonial house on top of a hill surround by lush greenery, it was like we arrived at a Balinese spa. Hannah lived there with her family and right beside the main residence stood a little garden house which she used as a space to meditate and receive her clients. That was where we did the session. The floor was covered with mats and pillows and the only other things in the room were a buddha statue, a set of Indian singing bowls and a laptop computer. Hannah asked us to sit down and relax. She then turned on the computer which was connected to a device that measures your heartbeat through a clip attached to your ear lobe. She hooked me up and explained what I needed to do. Basically, the goal was for me to achieve inner harmony by taking slow, deep and consistent breaths whilst thinking of a positive experience or something I enjoyed. That way I could center myself and shift into a heart rhythm that positively influenced the rhythm of my entire body, my brain and my emotions. On the computer screen I could see to what extent I managed to achieve this. The highest score was 100, which I somehow quickly reached and maintained. Hannah then took the clip of my ear, placed it on Naomi's ear lobe and asked me to imagine sending my energy and love to Naomi each time I breathed out. On the screen we saw the effect: Naomi's score increased. Intrigued by the result, we had a talk after the session and I told Hannah about how my mother and Niels also sent their energy and love remotely to all four of us. I noticed Hannah was quite familiar with the various types of energy healing. She was not surprised to hear about the experiences my mother has when treating people.
We decided to meet up again. As Christmas was around the corner, Hannah asked us what our plans were. When we told her we had not even thought about it, she kindly invited us for a Christmas dinner with her family. We went and had a wonderful evening. A few weeks later I contacted Hannah to make an appointment for another session. Three times we tried to meet up but each time something else came up on either her or our side. Soon after, Hannah and her family left Singapore and that next session never happened.
More Energy Healing
Shortly after the departure of Hannah, I was introduced to a lady who practised BodyTalk. She in turn introduced me to a more experienced American practitioner who had successfully helped various people during a visit to Singapore. I discussed with him what had happened with Naomi and afterwards we had our first session. BodyTalk, as he explained to me, is a therapy that resynchronises the body's energy systems so that they are brought back into a state in which the body's innate ability to heal itself is stimulated and becomes most effective. I would describe it as similar to Reiki but then without the uncomfortable idea of the "spirit me" being seen by and talking with the practitioner. In this case, the healing sessions happened remotely from the United States.
We also visited an osteopath who gently treated Naomi every so many weeks. After several months, the osteopath introduced us to such things as muscle testing and healing crystals. Those crystals needed to be placed in certain locations in our home for them to have a healing effect on Naomi. I did some research on which crystals would be beneficial to Naomi but never got round to actually buying them. We did explore muscle testing, which is a technique based on the concept of internal energy fundamental to traditional Chinese medicine. The osteopath suggested it was a good way to discover imbalances in Naomi's body. By testing her body’s responses when applying slight pressure to a large muscle, the osteopath was able to identify things such as energy blockages, nutritional deficiencies and food sensitivities. Simply put, we could ask the body "yes/no" questions and directly got the answers. The osteopath could perform the same type of testing through the use of a pendulum as well. He would hold the pendulum attached to a short piece of rope above Naomi's body and then asked, for example, if a certain medication was harmful to her. If the pendulum started to spin around clockwise then the answer was "yes", if it spun the other way then the answer was "no". Some simple experimentation suggested that this indeed seemed to work but with regard to our biggest question marks it remained hard to validate as Naomi was not able to communicate with us to give her own feedback. In the same wellness centre where the osteopath worked, we were introduced to a homeopath who gave us homeopathic medicine that we needed to dissolve in water and then give to Naomi. We did that for quite some time. We also met a naturopath there who gave us some advice. We even met an Indian hypnotherapist with whom we had an interesting discussion but no actual session.
Control
Looking back at all these alternative healing methods, I guess the main attraction was having a sense of control and understanding because I cannot say that I observed any specific improvement in Naomi as a result of all we did. The reality was that besides doing physical exercises and providing good nutrition, there was actually alarmingly little we could do to aid Naomi's recovery.
In the end, I found myself at a loss. Normally, prior to what happened with Naomi, if I struggled with a personal or business related matter that seemed impossible to overcome, I was always able to bounce back and find a solution, often emerging stronger than before. However, this time round, I realised there was nothing I could do to turn things back to the way they were.
I did not know how Naomi felt, what she wanted or how to effectively help her recover. I did not even know if it was possible for her to eventually recover. According to the doctors we had to accept Naomi's condition as permanent and move on with our lives. So when Jane told us her feng shui banner could manipulate and therefore control the flow of energy in Naomi's immediate surroundings, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. When Mel's clairvoyance could help us gain an immediate understanding of what was going on with Naomi, I set aside my reservations and asked for answers. Reiki gave us a sense of communication, although I felt it happened behind my back. The computer assisted meditation visualised, and somehow quantified, how my love for Naomi had a positive effect on her physical wellbeing. BodyTalk and the other biofeedback methods allegedly provided a way to reconfigure Naomi's energy systems so that her body could properly heal itself. Practitioners of these alternative healing methods claimed that healing could be found within yourself (or your "higher self") when you opened up and connected to the healing universal life force energy that permeates the entire universe. That made me think of Star Wars but the Chinese people I talked with referred to this energy as Qi, Indian people spoke about Prana and in Japan, where Reiki originated, people called it Ki. It was this energy that provided healing by harmonising and balancing the energy of the person in need.
I started to dive a bit deeper by reading a number of books and by studying Web sites on the various topics. Paulina had given me a book written by Deepak Chopra and I found that his views very much aligned with my mother's. The book was easy to read and it touched upon many of the things that had been on my mind. It explained that, indeed, we needed to learn from everything we experienced in life because through these experiences our soul evolves and ultimately reaches enlightenment. Chopra also clarified that all things happen for a reason and not just by chance. He gave an example that confirmed my feeling that the "coincidences" we encountered were no arbitrary events. He also referred to God as light, which made me think of the sun on the cover of Naomi's book. Chopra also talked about being sufficiently connected to the material world so you could learn from it but at the same time also being sufficiently detached (even from your own family) so that you would not get preoccupied by life on Earth and forget about your spiritual life and development. Clearly, what had happened with Naomi had directed me towards the spiritual side of life.
I also learned more about the concept of reincarnation and how the choices you make in your current life have an effect on what life you lead next. The hypnotherapist we met certainly believed in past lives and shared her views with me. My mother even asserted that Naomi, before her birth, knew full well what life she entered into and that she herself had chosen us as her parents. That was consistent with the idea that we all decide our own path but it also assumed that in between lives there was time for contemplation and decision making. It was an attractive concept. The idea grew on me and I started to believe in it. It made me wonder why Naomi had chosen us. Maybe the "spirit Naomi" had certain knowledge about us and knew that we would somehow be able to handle the challenges and help her recover.
Above all, these newly found sources of wisdom allowed me to explain our situation. That was important to me. Also, the idea that everyone, even those in need of healing, were still in control of their own wellbeing or could be healed by others in proxy of the person in need, was a welcome departure from the maintenance mentality that pervaded the hospitals and clinics we frequented. For months to come, this new thinking helped me cope with our daily challenges. The anxiety remained, however, and I still wondered where that "It's alright" message now actually came from.
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