After attending mass, I was invited to be prayed over. When they asked me what to pray for, I blundered.
Almost every month I flew to China for work. I would leave Sunday afternoon, stay a week in Shanghai and fly back to Singapore on Friday evening so I could be back home early Saturday morning. On one of those Saturdays, when I arrived back home after a delayed and unpleasant overnight flight during which I had not been able to sleep at all, Paulina asked me if I wanted to go to a healing mass that evening. (Obviously every mass is a healing mass but after this particular mass there would be praying over.) Tired and not so much in the mood, I wanted to say: "Can we go another time?" but, looking at my wife who was clearly keen to go, I said yes and so that evening we went to church.
After mass, the facilitators gestured the people who wanted to be prayed over to walk to the front of the church to line up. My wife did so but I remained seated, feeling even more tired than I did in the morning. I also felt “disconnected”. I had been working long days all week, hadn’t paid much attention to God and actually felt bad for feeling far away from Him. I thought about getting up but I didn’t. Then I suddenly felt what seemed like a stream of bubbles moving from my waist to my heart. It startled me. I never had that sort of sensation before and it actually made me stand up. The moment I was standing it was gone, and since I was standing anyway, I thought I might as well join the queue.
It was packed that evening and the line-up was long. I was pretty much last in line so I knew it was going to take a long time. Then, after I had been waiting for just a couple of minutes, they decided to rearrange the queues. I was ushered to the front of the church where they created a new queue and I suddenly found myself third in line. It only took a little while before the facilitator turned to me and asked me what I wanted them to pray for. Caught off guard, I didn’t immediately know what to say. I thought of asking him to pray for Naomi’s healing but before I was ready to articulate my request, I blurted out: “So that I can be closer to God”. The facilitator said: “Ah, good!”, raised his hands above my head, closed his eyes and started praying.
I was disappointed with myself. That was't what I wanted to say. I wasn’t even done thinking yet. But it was too late already. The facilitator along with two other gentlemen were already praying for me and as I didn't want to interrupt them, I just stood there, being prayed over by them, wondering why I said what I didn't want to say. What I said wasn’t even a full sentence. When they finished the prayer, I thanked them and sheepishly walked back to my seat.
All seats around me were empty, as most people – including my wife – were still lining up. As I was sitting there by myself, I looked over at the choir. They had been singing all this time but I hadn’t really paid attention. I listened to the lyrics and softly started singing along. Then something very unusual happened: my tongue started moving on its own. It moved up and down and out came lots of “nananana lalalala” sounds. All by itself. This went on and on for a good 15 minutes. I didn’t even run out of breath. It was completely effortless. After a while, because it was so unusual, I started laughing about it and ended up mixing the nananana’s and lalalala's with my own hahahaha’s until things started to sound really awkward. Only when it stopped, I realised I had received the “gift of tongues”. [a] God had given me a gift! I felt very grateful and my feeling of being far away from God was instantly gone. It was me who felt far away but God was as close as ever.
It was only later that evening, back at home, that I fully appreciated what had actually happened. Like so many times before, I wanted to reach out to Jesus seeking for my daughter’s healing, whereas instead I should have been looking for Jesus Himself. I remembered what He had said: "Strive first for the kingdom of God and His righteousness". [b]
The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that the kingdom of God means righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. At the end of the day, I guess that’s the only thing that really matters. Through the Holy Spirit, God had found a beautiful way to remind me of this. And I need reminding… again and again. I know that God knows exactly what we need – more than we reckon we know ourselves – so I should “just” put my hope and trust in Him and let His Spirit act in me and for me so I can take each day as it comes and not worry too much, knowing that I can have full faith in His providence and protection.
Later still, before I went to sleep that night, I realised that my unintended prayer request was exactly what I should have asked for and what I should have come to Mass for in the first place: not first to seek healing for Naomi, but to indeed be closer to God. To seek first a closer relationship with Jesus. Once at His side, healing and all other good things will be given to us as well. [b] Thanks be to God!
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[a]
Cathechism of the Catholic Church - 2003
Grace is first and foremost the gift of the Spirit who justifies and sanctifies us. But grace also includes the gifts that the Spirit grants us to associate us with his work, to enable us to collaborate in the salvation of others and in the growth of the Body of Christ, the Church. There are sacramental graces, gifts proper to the different sacraments. There are furthermore special graces, also called charisms after the Greek term used by St. Paul and meaning "favour," "gratuitous gift," "benefit." Whatever their character – sometimes it is extraordinary, such as the gift of miracles or of tongues – charisms are oriented toward sanctifying grace and are intended for the common good of the Church. They are at the service of charity which builds up the Church.
[b]
Matthew 6:25-34
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For it is the Gentiles who strive for all these things; and indeed your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
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